Where's my Sun?
by ZexionXynah
Summary: Zexion found the letter but he also found more than a letter. Fallow Zexion as he remembers what happened. In the end, what will he do? read to find out. rated for suiside and terrible things.
1. Praying

**_After I had written Good-bye, my love this little plot bunny popped up and wouldn't stop bugging me so I toyed with it and I think I got it to work._**

**_It's put into Zexion's point of view from the future, remembering until a future chapter. any time Zexion say's 'her' or 'she' he'll normally mean my OC Xynah._**

**_disclaimer: (I will only put this up once) I do not own kingdom hearts or any of its characters though I do own my OC's Xynah Zenga and Satoshi Zenga_**

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I had read the letter; yeah, I read it over and over hoping, _praying_, that it was all a lie and she was about to jump out and say 'gotcha!' but that never happened. No matter how much I prayed, she would never walk into the room and tell me it was a joke. She would never laugh at nothing just to make someone else smile. She would never tell me another secret she never told anybody else. No; she would never do any of this again, because she was dead.

I had walked into the apartment we shared, (it was nothing special and broken, just something cheap and inhabitable. It was a one room apartment on the ground floor.) as soon as I walk in I knew something was wrong. The first thing I noticed was she tackle me to the ground with a hug/glomp this time, she always liked greeting people when they came into the house.

The second thing I noticed was the faint metallic scent. With a combination of the two, I knew something was terrible wrong. I ran past our living room to our bed room, where the scent was coming from, not even bothering to close the door behind me. I burst through the door, all I expected was her to be in bed caring for some wound she got from who knows where, but what I saw was much worse.

She was on the bed like I expected but there was blood, so much blood. She had apparently cut herself on her wrists and ankles, where the major arteries where. she was pale, more pale then she ever was, almost ghost white. She had stains on her cheeks where tears once were and a faint smile. This smile was nothing like the giant smiles laced with deep-seated sorrow that I've seen before. It was serene and blissful, like she finally found peace within herself.

Tears were already freely falling from me at this point. I shifted my gaze to what was our dresser, unable to look at the horrible scene before me, and saw a pink envelope. I walk over and grabbed it, flipping it around to look at the front of it. It had a drawing of her (with her normal smile) and me (perpetually frowning) on it and in big, beautifully written letters was my name. I opened the envelope and found a one-paged letter.

There were spots that looked damaged due to water, 'most likely tears' I decided. As I read the letter, my tears fell, mixing with her old tears and the inks spots that were once words. After I read the letter I put it back into the envelope and put that into my pocket carefully. My tears still wouldn't stop but I knew I had to call the police and our friends. I went and dealt with that.

The police ask many questions but I could barely control myself enough to no break down crying. I answer their questions though and kept my voice steady as I talk to them. Soon, the call was over and the police were on their way to our, my, apartment.

Next on the Agenda was to call our friends. Each of their reactions varied. Axel thought I was joking at first only to realize I don't joke about anything. Xion, Namine and Demyx were in hysterics when I told them. Larxene Grumbled something incoherent but I coud hear the stifled hics from crying, Marluxia (who was with Larxene) seemed somewhat remorseful. Roxas and Sora were in shock and didn't say anything but am 'I'm so sorry' that wavered at the end.

I called her older brother last, not really wanting to tell him his younger sister just killed herself; I had to, and eventually I did. He said he wasn't surprised in a broken voice.

The police had arrived long before I had even gotten half-way through with my calls. They had taped off the apartment didn't let anyone in except family of her's. they wouldn't stop asking me questions after I finished calling everyone. Questions about her, if she ever had suicidal tendencies, ect. I answered best I could but at some point I couldn't take it and broke down crying.

A crowd had gathered to see what was going on, not that they actually knew her. Like her letter said, none of them cared enough. They just wanted something to gossip about.

Soon after I had finished talking with the police, I noticed that everyone I called had come over (and then some, too.) I walked over to them, hoping to find some solace in a group of people I knew and that actually cared about what happened.

I remember seeing Xigbar there too which was strange because he was never the closest to her but I supposed even he never truly hated the peace-loving brunette. He was over helping comfort Xion while axel was trying to get Roxas to calm down. apparently he ran off soon after getting there, rambling about how he should have noticed. (I honestly should have been the one in his place seeing as I was the closest one to her. No; I shouldn't think that way, it would make her sad.) Kairi was crying with sora while Riku was trying to console them. Marluxia and Larxene were off the side looking as if they didn't really care but the fact that their eyes were slightly red and puffy said everything. Demyx was in hysterics and Namine had seemed to be talking to him while she drew, silent tears of her own falling.

Eventually the crowned left, followed by the police. Then Xigbar left with Xion and Namine, Riku left with Kairi and Sora, Axel with Roxas, Marluxia with Larxene. In the end it was just Demyx (who had calmed down a bit) and me (who had been quite with only a few stray tears left.) Demyx offered me to stay with him until the whole thing calmed down which, me being tired physically as well as mentally, had swiftly agreed. We drove in his car, once we got to his house he gave me the guest bedroom and I had gone to bed, falling asleep before my head hit the pillow. Simply praying this had all mean a bad dream.

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**Please tell me what you think, also, this is not a one-shot.**


	2. The funeral

**Just keep reading, you get a little bit more of an idea of Xynah's character.**

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She had been dead for about a week when the funeral finally happened. It was depressing, really, but what else could I have expected? It's a funeral. There's nothing exactly cheery about burying the deceased! (Especially when they were your secret crush for over three years.) anyway, I digress.

The day was cold, winter of course; snow was falling ever so lightly across the cemetary. A truly beautiful scene at any other time but not at this moment. The white of the snow only made it easier to see the black everyone wore which only served as a reminder that this was real, not a joke. The falling snow caused me to remember something she once told me.

~_Flashback_~

It was fall, I think, and raining heavily. Her and I had taken shelter under a tree (which really didn't help much) and had decided to wait it out there. There had been a few moments of silence when she finally said "when I was little, I used to think that the rain was God's tears." I had looked over at her, confused why she had shared that with me but she never broke her gaze from the sky. I than scoffed slightly, muttering "what reason would God have to cry?" I hadn't expected her to respond but she did. "he has plenty of reasons!" she defended, finally looking at me with her deep brown eyes. "oh, than name a few." I retorted, monotonously. "well…" she thought "there's nature being destroyed.." "even if we leave it, the forest would burn on their own." I interrupted her "there's people being mistreated.." "which could be avoided if everyone just thought about the benefits and faults of what they're doing." I replied "there's people dying." She murmured, looking down at the ground. "Why would that make him sad? They're going to where he is and if not then that gets rid of some trouble!" she the looks back up at me, brown eyes wide with shock. "they were still his children, or course he'd be sad!" she shouted ony earning a simple blink from me, no words. "if they went to hell, he'd be sad because they would never get to see or live with him." She stated, quieting immensely. "And if they went to heaven, then he'd be sad because he hurt to ones yet to come." She finished, looking back down sadly. "you mean they're friends and family." I stated more than asked, she nodded slowly anyway. I felt bad for making her upset in any way but then I thought of a question… "If rain is God's tears, then what is snow?" she glanced at me for a moment, then turned her ead in thought. "well…they're angel's wishes!" she declared, smiling her signature smile (eye's closed, toothy ear-splitting grin, head tilted slightly) I blinked, 'her mood changed so quickly, and her thought of what snow was is extremely different then what she thought rain was! How does God's tears turn into Angel's wishes?!' I sigh 'no use trying to figure it out, she always so confusing.'

~_End Flashback_~

At that time, I didn't understand what she ment by 'Angel's wishes' but now, I think I understand. I look up at the snow filled sky, silent tears falling as I do so. "so, this is what you ment" I said quietly so no one would hear me. "this snow it your wish for use to be happy, isn't it?" I ask to no one in particular. I kneel down and grab a handful of snow, holding it gently as if it would break if I gripped it too tightly and whisper "thank you, your wish is well reserved."

Dropping the snow in my hand, I find that the funeral had ended already and our group of friend and her brother are the only ones still there. Kairi was sobbing into Sora's shoulder, with her hands over her eyes, while Sora was trying to calm her, tears streaming down his face as well. Riku and Namine were doing basically the same thing only Riku wasn't crying and had only shed a tear the entire time. Xigbar was trying (and failing) to calm Xion (who was in hysterics.) Roxas had been crying slightly and Axel was beside him, looking somewhat awkward yet remorseful. Larxene and Marluxia had been leaning on a tree near by the entire time, quietly watching. Demyx was bawling by her new grave, muttering nonsense that I think even he didn't under stand. Last (but not least to her) was Satoshi. He was fairly reserved through the whole thing. He cried sometimes but mostly stood in that one spot, watching as priests and other strangers buried his younger sister six feet under ground. The only other thing he really did was yell at their father when he tried to get in to the funeral (which was blocked by a gate and Satoshi.)

~_Flashback again_~

The man (if you can really call him that) really deserved it, after he was told he couldn't come in he started yelling that she was his daughter and that he had a right to be there. This, however, stopped when Axel and Satoshi both were carrying him away though it was replaced with how she was a ungreatful and terrible child and that she never deserved to be alive in the first place. After what felt like eternity (but was probably only a few seconds) of listening to him spout degrading things about her, I walked over to him and slapped him across the face, shouting "she was too good of a person to have you as a father, no wonder she hated you!" I held back a few curses I wanted to say and walk back to where I was standing. Nobody else made move as the demon who called himself her father walked away, dumfounded and silent for once. That left Axel (who was ready to beat the man had I not stepped in) and Satoshi (who was simply glaring at the man until he left) to return.

~_End Flashback again_~

Anyhow, after a while all of us went home in a similar fashion as a week ago, starting with Xigbar and Xion and ending with Demyx and I only this time we also had Satoshi with us.

The ride to Demyx's house was quiet but that was no surprise. I'm normally quiet and Satoshi is a fairly silent guy himself. That left Demyx who was has just lost a dear friend same as the rest of us, I don't blame him for being quiet.

When we finally got to demyx's, it was already fairly late (11:45pm) so I took the couch in the living room while Satoshi took the guest bed and Demyx, of course, in his bed. Once again, I prayed for this all to be a bad dream that I would wake from any moment. That's what I hoped, anyway, while I fell asleep.

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**Next chapter, it'll be the present. I hope you've been enjoying it so far!**


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